Fighting Fair | Song of Solomon | Week 4

Fighting Fair | Song of Solomon | Week 4
Pastor Dave and Clare Pretlove

How to handle conflict in marriage:

1. Expect it!
   • Song of Solomon 5:1-6
2. Identify the land mines – the sources and seasons of conflict.
   • Song of Solomon 5:2-7
3. Have a shared goal for the conflict.
   • Song of Solomon 5:8-11; 6:1-5
   • The goal is a win-win, reconciliation, and making up well!
   • Colossians 1:19-22

I recently heard a leader say, “Don’t focus on confrontation, focus on clarity.” Don’t sit down with someone and think you’re confronting them, think about how you’re seeking clarity. That is a perspective shift!

When it’s time to have a hard conversation (notice I say when, not if, because when we’re following Jesus with our whole heart, there will always be hard conversations in the body of Christ), I can really get in my mind about it. I can get so freaked out about how the person will respond, how I’ll handle it in the moment, and my pits get sweaty and my heart rate increases. You get it.

But when I approach a conversation and can gently say, “I just want clarity. And I think you want that, too.” that changes everything! When our posture is, “Let me understand where you’re at and where you’re coming from.” that disarms people and gets us both on the same team. When we communicate the shared goal of clarity, reconciliation, and understanding, that radically changes how the conversation goes. Be praying and thinking about how to gain clarity in your relationships this week. 

Blessings,
Lydia Long

As we meditate and reflect on reconciliation this week, the spiritual practice of service may serve us well. Specifically, serving others through listening.

In his book Celebration of Discipline, Theologian and author, Richard Foster says this about the service of listening:

“To listen to others quiets and disciplines the mind to listen to God. It creates an inward working upon the heart that transforms the affections, even the priorities, of life. When we have grown dull to listening to God, we would do well to listen to others in silence and see if we do not hear God through them.”

This week, as you navigate conflicts and reconciliation, serve the other person through listening. And as you listen, listen for the stirring and working of God in this relationship and conversation.

Grab a couple of friends and spend some time in Ephesians 4, specifically verses 25-32. Maybe commit to memorizing 4:31-32 together. Ask, pray, and journal about these questions:

• Who is speaking? Who is being talked about?
• What is the subject or object? What comes before and after? What are the circumstances? What’s the atmosphere or emotion of the text? What keywords or phrases are being repeated?
• When is this taking place?
• Where is this taking place? 
• Why are they there? Why are these instructions being given?
• How are people responding? How is the recipient expected to respond?