Dating | Song of Solomon | Week of Sunday, February 12th

Sermon Notes

Dating | Song of Solomon | Week 2
Pastor Dave Pretlove
Song of Solomon 1:9-2:15

6 Marks of a Healthy Dating Relationship:
  1. Kind and uplifting words and thoughts
    • Song of Solomon 1:9-15
  2. You bring out the best in each other
    • Song of Solomon 2:1-2
    • Hebrews 10:24
    • Ephesians 5:25-27
  3. Eager for others to know you are together
    • Song of Solomon 2:4; 3:4
  4. Growing sexual desire
    • Song of Solomon 2:5-6
    • 2 Samuel 6:19; Hosea 3:1
  5. Appropriate sexual boundaries 
    • Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:5
  6. Shared optimism for the future but a willingness to actually deal with the issues 
    • Song of Solomon 2:8-15

Group Questions

1. We talked about the marks of a healthy dating relationship this week. Thinking about health in all of our relationships, how can we bring out the best in others? How can we help our spouse/friends become more like Jesus this week?

2. Read Ephesians 5:25-30 aloud together. What do you see in Scripture about the relationship between Christ and the church and between husbands and wives?

3. We all have a deep desire for our whole selves to be known and delighted in. How can you take a step toward inviting someone to know you a bit deeper?

4. Pastor Dave said that the way a couple thinks about one another would decide how a couple speaks to one another. What’s one way you can reframe or renew how you think about, and subsequently speak to, your spouse (or someone else in your life if you’re not married)?

5. Song of Solomon 2:15 mentions “the little foxes in the vineyard”. This can be a picture of the issues that will weaken the relationship if not tended to. What processes do you have in your life that help you tend to “the little foxes” in your life?

6. Pastor Dave addressed those who are single but want to be married one day. He prayed that you will go after God's best and in God's timing. How can you actively do that or how can you support a single friend currently in that season? 

7. Hebrews 10:24 says, “let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds”. How can this group encourage you toward love and good deeds?

A Spiritual Practice To Try

On Sunday, we talked about King David bringing the ark of the covenant into Jerusalem with a lot of fanfare and celebration. When the ark was finally placed in Jerusalem, the nation was at peace and there was joy and unity in the land.

This is a small glimpse of what Sabbath ought to be like in our lives! Sabbath is an invitation to practice for eternity in God’s presence. It’s an act of consistent and intentional trust of God’s rule on Earth. 

Try Sabbath this week! If a full day of rest and celebration feels like too much, just carve out 3 hours. Start with a prayer and choose a couple of activities to try (lighting candles, eating a Sabbath meal, walking, napping, reading, spending time alone with God, spending time connecting with a friend or family member). These are not tasks to complete but ways that your soul might enjoy resting and celebrating God’s goodness. At the end of your Sabbath, choose a meaningful way to end and praise God for the time of rest, reflection, and celebration.

A Prayer

Almighty God, You are holy, gracious, truthful, and loving. I’m drawn by Your invitation to enjoy Your love, an invitation to feel Your touch, and to hear Your voice. I want to taste and see that You are good!

Something To Think About

There may be some of you that have some serious praying and thinking to do after hearing this sermon. For some of you, this was not just a light-hearted message about dating. I think there are people in our congregation who may seriously be considering changing some of their behaviors and ending relationships. Lean into the community at LifeChurch. We are here to be a resource and support to you. You are not alone as you process this sermon and consider what serious steps you might need to take in your life.

And statistically, the majority of you are currently married. I would encourage you to reach out to a single friend or check in on a friend who is dating or engaged. They may be looking for wisdom and encouragement but might not be ready to ask for it. Check in and be a kind voice in their lives right now. And don’t assume that singles don’t want to come over for dinner with your family! This is the beauty of the local church – we are all blending and molding our lives to one another. We need each other!

I’m praying that we will each look beyond ourselves and discovery next steps of health and community here at LifeChurch.

Lydia Long


Article | “You Don’t Find ‘The One’, You Choose ‘The One’” by Debra Fileta 

As you date someone, ask:
  • Are we better together? Do we encourage one another?
  • Am I more passionate for Jesus as a result of our relationship/love? (Hebrews 10:24)
  • Am I more committed to making my life count because of this person?

27 Things Not To Say To Your Spouse Or Boyfriend/Girlfriend:
(Via Steve Stephens, Marital Psychologist)
  1. “I told you so.”
  2. “You’re just like your mother.” 
  3. “You’re always in a bad mood.”
  4. “You just don’t think.”
  5. “It’s your fault.”
  6. “What’s wrong with you?”
  7. “All you ever do is complain.”
  8. “I can’t do anything to please you.”
  9. “You get what you deserve.”
  10. “Why don’t you ever listen to me?”
  11. “Can’t you be more responsible?”
  12. “What were you thinking?”
  13. “You’re impossible!”
  14. “I don’t know why I put up with you.”
  15. “I can talk to you until I’m blue in the face and it doesn’t do any good.”
  16. “I can do whatever I like.”
  17. “If you don’t like it, you can just leave.” 
  18. “Can’t you do anything right?”
  19. “That was stupid.”
  20. “If you really loved me, you’d do this.”
  21. “You’re such a baby.”
  22. “Turnabout’s fair play.”
  23. “You deserve a dose of your own medicine.”
  24. “What’s your problem?”
  25. “I can never understand you.”
  26. “Do you always have to be right?”
  27. “All you ever do is think of yourself.”
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